Unpredictable

Now that I have half a clue what I'm doing, the biggest challenge for me is how unpredictable daily life is. I never know if Brenden is going to nap half the day and give me plenty of time to get things done, or if I'll be lucky to get to go to the bathroom. He was really fussy over the weekend. Adam had to call me to come home while I was at the mall, and Sunday night Brenden cried and kicked for 2 hours before falling asleep. I prepared myself for a repeat performance last night, but he fell peacefully asleep nursing at 9:00. I thought he might get unruly when he was awake for 2 hours in the middle of the night, but he just looked around all bright-eyed and content.

Poor guy is losing his hair and has baby acne. He also has ingrown toenails on his big toes. The pediatrician told me to "roll" the nails out from under the skin, but I'm not having any luck yet.

We received the hospital bill for Brenden's birth, which for my care was $30,000! My prenatal care was probably another $20,000, but our insurance paid almost everything. I am very thankful for that. If we were uninsured I would have had to do my own c-section.

I was sad to hear about Michael Jackson. Sure he was creepy, but watching his old videos on MTV brought back a lot of childhood memories.

Little Brenden is doing great! We had a fun week. On Thursday we had a "play date" with Tami and her baby Paityn. It was rough going at first because both babies were tired, and they kept taking turns fussing and waking each other up. I bought some sesame noodles to make us for lunch, which are usually really fast and easy, but with two crying babies it turned into a huge production. We then took the babies out for a walk through the park nearby, where we saw three beautiful owls in the woods.

We are pretty sure that Brenden has a milk allergy. His pediatrician suspected it, so I stopped drinking milk for a week, but I thought I'd try some milk on Wednesday to see what happened. It made him spit up a lot and he seemed fussy and had trouble sleeping. He was cranky on Thursday, but on Friday he seemed to feel better and slept most of the day. The only time he was awake was when we went out for lunch with my friend Maria. He was absolutely perfect the whole time, and he was even willing to take a bottle of breastmilk so I didn't have to try to nurse him in the middle of the restaurant. I'm a lot less worried about modesty since I gave birth, and I wish breastfeeding was more accepted. If no one else made a big deal out of it, I'd be perfectly happy to feed Brenden whenever he needed, rather than strategically timing things and worrying about covering up.

I'm so glad it's the weekend! Having time alone with Brenden has been great for building my confidence, but it's great to have Adam home with us. I'm having my first un-rushed breakfast all week, and Adam is spending "tummy time" with Brenden and cheering him on in his efforts to fill his diaper. Poor guy has trouble sometimes and it seems to take a lot of effort. Later today Adam and I are going to take turns running errands. I am headed to the mall to buy more nursing bras and tops. It may not sound exciting but having a couple of hours to myself feels like a vacation. As much as I look forward to my time out, I always miss Brenden and am so happy to see him when I get home.

He's Here and He's Wonderful!!

Finally, our little baby boy arrived on June 2, although not by his choosing. I was induced and ended up having a c-section after 24 hours of labor. I was only in horrible pain for 2 of those hours, I have to admit. I spent the next hour after that thanking whoever invented epidurals. That was the first time for months I was able to lie in bed comfortably, with no back or leg pain, and of course no pain from the contractions.) We were disappointed and scared when the dr called for a c-section, but I had only progressed to 5 cm and "Little" Guy was showing some signs of stress. I was crying and shaking before the surgery, but Adam was there to reassure me and the doctors and nurses were great. It was very freaky to go from the soft light of the labor room to the harsh lights and glaring instruments of the OR. But just 30 minutes later, we heard Brenden Connor's first cries, and his Daddy snapped his first picture (see above). It's a little gross but I love how he's clenching his fists like he's saying "Why God, why??"

And notice the double chins. He weighed in at 9 lbs, 5 oz, which was part of the reason he couldn't come out the normal way. And despite outward appearances, the dr discovered that I have a narrow pelvis on the inside.

The first week was VERY difficult. The recovery from the c-section was awful those first few days, and I was an emotional mess from hormones and the pain killers I was on. I was so upset that I couldn't even take care of myself, much less Brenden. I wouldn't have survived those first days without Adam and his mom. They kept the house running, and all I had to do was nurse Brenden. The nursing itself has been great since our first try in the recovery room, but it was overwhelming having to wake up every 45 minutes or so to nurse. No one can prepare you for the reality of being 100% responsible for another life. I've wanted kids for years and thought about it so much, but thinking about it isn't the same as experiencing the surreal mix of exhaustion and joy.

Thankfully I am feeling much better since I kicked the pain killers, and Brenden is great. From the first day everyone who interacted with him remarked on what a perfect baby he is. He only cries a little, usually when he's hungry. He's a great nurser and at 2 weeks old he was already weighing in at 10 lbs, 11 oz. He's already sleeping for longer streches of time. I actually got 8 hours of sleep the past two nights!! That was over a period of 12 hours, but even when he's awake for a 3 hour stretch in the middle of the night, he's pretty content just to nurse and dirty a half dozen diapers or so. (I am astonished at how many diapers we go through, and at how much they leak!)

He likes to be held most of the time he's awake, but he'll sit in his bouncy seat or lie down for tummy time for about 5 minutes or so, which is a godsend when I'm desperate to eat breakfast or lunch. It's amazing how hard it is to do anything, and how long it takes. Some days are better than others though, like today when he's willing to take a morning nap.

Adam is thrilled to be a Daddy, and the best moments are when we sit and laugh at Brenden's crazy noises and the faces he makes. The funniest one is when he does a big stretch and his crazy cackle, which sometimes sounds like a horse whinney. It's LOUD too - the first couple of nights we had trouble sleeping because we thought something was wrong with him. Adam's first Father's Day was a quiet one. I made a nice dinner at home because taking Brenden out for long periods of time is daunting. He isn't a big fan of his car seat. But he does like his stroller, so I've been enjoying walks around the neighborhood with him. I'm eager to get back into shape, and I'm making slow progress. I lost a good 20 lbs almost instantly, and now I have about 10-15 to go. The worst is how my tummy looks though - my belly button is stuck in limbo - half in and half out, and it's surrounded by stretch marks. Eventually they will fade and they're so worth it.

I am very thankful to have 6 more weeks home with our precious guy, and that his Daddy will be home with him after that. In the back of my mind I'm already dreading making the transition back to work, because I know it will be hard, but it's the best thing for our family and I know we'll be just fine.

Gotta go - someone's waking up from his nap!