Brenden Pics

What's a boy have to do to get some scrambled eggs around here?

Brenden loves riding around in his doll stroller - we're not sure what we're going to do when the wheels finally fall off

Busted during a love-fest with Momo

Brenden's favorite play room

Story Time

Nap Time on the couch

Brenden Potter

Corn on the cob - he can eat a whole ear in 2 minutes flat

Company BBQ

I beat that kid in the end!

My new company had a company BBQ last Friday night, and we had a fun (and freezing cold!) time. Brenden enjoyed the bouncy house and I made it up the climbing wall. That's something I've always wanted to try. It was harder than I thought - by the time I made it back down my arms were shaking from exertion and nerves (I haven't been with the company long enough to make a fool of myself).

So far things are going really well at my new job. I hear snippits of complaints and politics from other people, which makes me nervous at times, but my experience has been overwhelmingly positive so far. My manager is a very nice man and the team I'm working with is great. I'm taking note of the things I hear for future reference, but I have to remind myself that everyone's experience is different for a multitude of reasons. I heard an earful of bad things when I started at my firm in Seattle, but my experience was better than I even hoped for.

Now that we're settled in some sort of normal and Brenden is sleeping through the night, I'm finding time for myself for the first time in a long time! I didn't realize how drained I was until I started to recover once B was sleep trained. Pregnancy and raising an infant and supporting our family wore me out to my core.

I've just started walking over lunch, and it feels great. I work 2 blocks from the riverfront - it's not Puget Sound but it's still pretty and quaint. Downtown Evansville is surprisingly cute. There are several local restaurants I plan to try, and there's even a little local pharmacy with a cafeteria that reminds me of old pharmacies I used to see as a kid. (back in the day!)

Of course the instant I start gaining my strength back, people start talking about the second child! When i picked B up from daycare yesterday the teacher told me he had been playing with a baby doll and people say that means he wants a little brother or sister. Ha! If we have another child it will be years out. And that's a big "if." I don't think we'll be horrible parents if B is an only child. I admire parents who can handle a bunch of kids, but it's not for me. I need this time I'm finally getting to myself so I can be a good parent to the one I already have!

Superman

Halloween was a blast! It was a perfect sunny fall day. I enjoyed getting lots of yard work done. I discovered cleaning gutters is a lot more fun when you ditch the ladder and just crawl around on the roof.



Brenden had fun trick or treating. He didn't understand why we kept knocking on people's doors but not going in, but he seemed to think it was pretty cool seeing all the kids in costume. When we got home we had several trick or treaters ourselves, which was really fun. We've always lived in an apartment so that was our first experience getting to give out candy. Isn't it crazy that you can go knock on a random stranger's door and they'll give you candy??



Brenden was bouncing off the walls right up to bedtime. After he finally feel asleep we watched a new zombie show called the Walking Dead, which was fun for Halloween.



Overall it was the best Halloween I've had since I was a kid.

Back Already!

Brenden LOVES his Pooh Bear hat

I'm back from my business trip to Indianapolis, and everything went really well. It's funny that I was in tears over it a month ago, because it was not a big deal at all. Brenden had a fun time with his Grammy and Aunt Allie until Adam got off work on Thursday, and they did just fine that night on their own. I anticipated a dramatic reunion, but when I walked in the door last night Brenden only had eyes for the bag of Long John Silvers I was carrying.

I enjoyed the trip to Indy. It was really helpful for me in my new job, and it was nice to get away briefly. I took myself out for a nice steak dinner, then took a steaming hot bath in my nice hotel room. After that I ate a piece of chocolate cake a la mode in bed while watching HGTV. The quiet was nice just for one night, but I was really ready to get home yesterday.

It is really good to know that it's ok if I have to be away. I read a good article in Oprah magazine right before I left. It was an interview with Julie Bowen from the TV show Modern Family. On the show she plays a stay at home mom who keeps a perfect house, but the article was about the reality of having to travel and be less than a perfect mom to her 3 boys. She talked about the importance of making time for yourself and focusing on being a good mom instead of a great one.

If someone asked me if I thought I was a good mom I would say yes without hesitation. But a great one? Hmmm... Some nights we have chicken nuggets and fries for dinner, and I can't seem to keep up with the mess of toys that get strewn all over the house. I also have to admit that I've let Brenden walk around the yard without shoes on, and I'll turn on cartoons to keep him company while I do dishes. GASP!!! And here's the kicker - even though I really should do some cleaning and yard work and unpacking while Brenden's taking his nap, I've just written a blog and now I'm going to lie down on the couch and take a nap. Hopefully child welfare services won't knock on the door and wake me up.

Brenden and Ian doing their homework

Not to worry, Brenden is just pretending in that picture. He is NOT one of those poor babies forced to watch those Your Baby Can Read videos all day. Those commercials are creepy, if you ask me. Driving your kids too hard starts really early these days.

Things are going well. I have been at my new job for 2 1/2 weeks. I'm still figuring things out but so far I like it. I have my own nice office and the commute is so short I can come home for lunch. One thing that's a bit rough is working at the jobsite. I stay in the construction trailer doing paperwork, but I was shocked to discover there's no bathroom! We have to use a porta potty used by mostly men. Yes, it's just as disgusting as you might imagine. After my first day at the site I learned that my morning cup of coffee is not worth it. I only have to go to the jobsite one or two mornings a week, so it's not too bad. It's over an hour away, and at first I was bummed about the drive, but now I like it. A whole hour to myself!

Adam's schedule at his new job is a bit difficult. He works a lot of evenings and weekends, and I have a hard time managing dinner and dishes and bathtime on my own. Brenden is usually really fussy in the evenings. He wants to be held the whole time, which is impossible of course. He's had several major meltdowns complete with ear-splitting screams and theatrical beating of his head against the floor.

But weekends are great. It's still hard but Brenden is in a much better mood when we spend the whole day together. Last weekend he napped an hour in his crib and an hour on the couch with me. It was so nice to just lie down and watch a movie and fall asleep!

Overall I feel more settled than I have in a year. It was about this time last year that I started feeling like Seattle wasn't working for us, and since then we've been through a lot of upheaval. I cannot believe how much work this move has been. Planning, packing, moving, job hunting, buying a house, buying a car, finding a daycare, and a mountain of other things to be taken care of. Now that Brenden has been sleeping well for about a month, I have FINALLY caught up and don't feel like I'm drowning. Now we get to think about fun stuff like decorating the house. We have a huge finished basement that we hardly use, so in the next couple of weeks we're going to set up a den/play area for Brenden during the winter months.

We have some other minor things to update. Thank goodness this house is in awesome shape because we're hopeless when it comes to home maintenance. Our ice maker just stopped working and I have no idea how to fix it. I guess I'll start by googling it...

God Bless the Midwest

One thing I won't miss about my current job is having to be professional and polite to customers who don't deserve it. To be honest, everyone has preconceived notions about other people based on how they look. You might not expect good manners from a kid who wears his pants down around his knees, and I'll admit I tend to assume that disheveled women I see with 8 kids piled in a rusted out car are uneducated and have some issues.

In the four months I've been at my job I've had AT LEAST four white people explain someone else's behavior by leaning over and whispering, "I'm not racist, but s/he was black." Right. One man I was talking with on the phone was very nonchalant about rear-ending a woman when she was stopped at a stoplight because, in his words, "she was black." But hey, at least that guy didn't follow-up with the comment with the "I'm not racist" part.

I heard on the radio today about a preacher in Kansas who leads protests at soldiers' funerals here in the US. He believes that those soldiers' deaths are God's punishment for the US tolerating homosexuality. WHAT??? Am I hearing all of this right???

Adam had his first day of work today, which seemed to go well. It was very strange for him to go back to work after over a year of being home with Brenden. It was hard for Brenden to be at daycare all day today. He was really excited to see me when I picked him up, but then he had several meltdowns when we got home. Adam didn't get home until an hour later, so I had my hands full trying to soothe Brenden and get dinner ready at the same time.

Brenden's sleep training has been an amazing transformation. He actually got annoyed with me tonight because I tried to rub his back after I laid him down. He grunted and moved my hand away, then whined until I left the room! Our next challenge to tackle is weaning. Yes, I still nurse my 16 month old. We're down to 2 feedings a day but I want to wean him by the time I go out of town for work. I thought about just skipping those nights and nursing again when I get back, but that will just make it harder on Adam. Better to tackle the weaning together.

I found out the travel in October will be no more than 2 nights away from home. I was in tears over it Friday night and could hardly sleep, but now I'm much more calm about it. I'm hopeful this job will be a good thing for our family. I debated whether I should try to keep my current job so I will never be away from Brenden, but realized that was selfish. He'll do great with all his family around to help while I'm away, and realistically we need this new salary. By Sunday I was feeling better and decided to stop being emotional about it. That will only make it harder for everyone, and if I'm calm about it hopefully Brenden will be too. And hey, I've fantasized about checking myself into a hotel by myself since Brenden was born - here's my chance!

Now I'm Nervous!

Brenden sporting Daddy's new work shoes

It's been a wild week preparing for our new jobs. We bought a new (used) car, which was a trying experience. We were in a big hurry and I'm not completely sold on the car we picked. Doesn't really matter because it's ours for the next 6 years regardless!

Adam starts his new job on Monday, and it looks like he'll be working most weekends and a few evenings each week until 9. On one hand it's nice that Brenden can have some short days at daycare and even some days off during the week, but it will also be a little bit chaotic having a changing schedule. It will be a challenge for me to get dinner on the table and wash dishes by myself, but I'm going to plan ahead and prepare what I can the night before after Brenden goes to bed.

My new job starts the Monday after next. I was so crushed when I first didn't get the job, and I dreaded having to stay at my current job where I have to do some telemarketing and there's not much challenge to it. But now that I'm getting nervous about the new job, I'm thinking about the things I'll miss about my current one: I always work the same hours with no overtime, and it's not stressful. I also feel comfortable there, and now I'm facing yet another change. It seems like this new company has a lot of crazy deadlines and I'll have to travel a little.

The travel part makes me sick to my stomach. It really didn't sound like there would be too much travel when I interviewed, but they're already planning a trip for the end of October. I feel like I did when I first went back to work after Brenden was born, imagining having to go a whole day without seeing him. And it sounds like it might be more than one day. I know lots of people travel or work multiple jobs or any number of things that keep them from their kids, and I don't know how they stand it.

What a difference a few days make...

Check out that bed-head!

Brenden's beloved doll stroller - he takes it with him all over the house

I am in shock. We have had the best luck over the past three days. Adam got a full-time job he's really excited about for an electronics store here in town, Brenden's ears are all better, and I just accepted a new job as well! I interviewed for the job several weeks ago and was crushed when I didn't get it. But apparently the person they hired didn't work out, so now I get a stab at it! It comes with a big pay raise and good benefits. Plus Adam will be eligible for benefits at his job too, so we'll have our pick - too funny after months of no good choices. The job sounds great - I got a really good impression of the company when I interviewed with them, and it's only 7 minutes from our house and 3 minutes from B's daycare.

And here's the icing on the cake. We have debated about sleep training since Brenden was two months old. We've always decided against it because he was too young or teething or we were going through some transition or another. We anticipated sleepless nights full of screaming and theatrics, but we bit the bullet and laid Brenden down awake in his crib tonight for the first time ever. He freaked at first, grabbing at me desperately until I finally just left the room. I checked on him twice and he calmed down and fell asleep after only 15 minutes! I can hardly believe it. I'm not totally convinced we're in the clear, but this is a good sign that better sleep is in the near future.

Brenden painting a picture at school

It's been a while since I posted a blog, mostly because we've been very busy coping with Brenden's ear infection. He's had it for nearly a month. We're on our third round of antibiotics and we've tried just about everything to clear up the fluid. He's getting better and seems to be in a lot less pain, but he's now in the habit of being held/rocked all night. So we are finally, after 15 months of debating the sleep situation, going to start sleep training. Once the dr gives us the all-clear that he's no longer sick, we'll start putting him to bed awake. The dr warned us that rocking to sleep will be a hard habit to break after this long, but we pretty much have to at this point. We are EXHAUSTED from being up all night with him. Adam and I are both tempted to take an ax to the rocking chair because we're so sick of being in it.

Adam still hasn't found a job. He's been forced to lower his standards quite a bit, and has two interviews coming up for jobs he's not excited about. He might even end up working part-time for now just to have something. It's hard to be facing down money struggles after being pretty comfortable in Seattle. The worst part is having high-deductible health insurance, which is all we can afford but would pretty much bankrupt us if we had to ever use. Until we get on our feet, we applied for a state program to help with Brenden's medical costs. Brenden's dr warned us that he might have to have tubes in his ears soon, which requires general anestethia and is very expensive without insurance.

This might not be what we had in mind for ourselves, but we're making it work. Life in the midwest is a lot less expensive, and we're finding other ways to cut costs. We shop at a great grocery store that only sells their own generic brands. The food is really good, often better than name brands, and so much cheaper. We're also benefitting from hand-me-downs for Brenden, dinners over at our family's houses, and shopping yard sales, which practically a sport in the midwest. I spent $18 at a rummage sale today and came home with a trunk full of stuff for Brenden:

-7 long-sleeve shirts for fall

-jacket

-snowsuit (can't wait to use that!)

-big riding toy shaped like a car with a handle we can push

-Elmo doll that laughs, talks, does flips

-doll stroller (totally girly but B fell in love with it)

It's starting to feel like fall here, which we're really excited about. Spending summer with family has been great, but I bet fall/winter will be even better with the holidays and family meals (to be followed up by a new exercise regimen in January!).

So even though things have been rough, we're sticking it out and looking on the bright side of things. Eventually we'll get to where we're financially secure again, but in the meantime we have the things you can't put a pricetag on, like a home that truly feels like home (ok, that does have a price tag), a joyful little boy, and our families.

Geez, Negative Nancy!

I'm feeling much better now. I realize that I have very little control over the job situation, so I'll do what I can and try not to worry. I've always been a worry wart but lately I'm finding it easier to let go. We always make the best decisions we know how and work hard to make a good life for Brenden. There's no point in worrying about the rest.

Brenden had his first day of school today, and he did great! He was only there for two hours so he didn't get to experience naptime (our biggest worry since we still rock him to sleep), but he didn't cry at all and had a great time exploring his new playroom. We love the daycare we picked and luckily there are only 6 kids in his room right now.

Now it's time to do some resume critiquing!

Don't Count Your Chickens Before They're Hatched

Adam was SO CLOSE to having a really good job, so we thought, but we found out today that he's probably not getting it. It was a big blow. I was feeling so great, like all of the hard work with this move and all of the uncertainty was finally paying off, and we were about to be settled. It was going to be a job Adam would probably actually like, with decent pay and benefits, and a mostly decent schedule. Now we're back to wondering if he's going to end up with a minimum wage job he hates working nights and weekends. We are very fortunate to have some savings left and the support of our family if we get desperate, but more than the money, it's important to me to feel settled. I'm tired of wondering how this or that is going to pan out. There have been a million variables and it's exhausting. Today it felt like the bubble of energy keeping me going through all this just popped.

I also have an earrache, and then I broke our nice candle holder, and then Brenden pooped in the bathtub. He's never done that before and it never even crossed my mind that I would find myself having to clean that out of the tub! If I ever get around to printing these blogs for a scrapbook, I'm sure he'll be thrilled to see I posted his bathroom habits on the internet.

Sigh...Brenden just woke up...guess this will be a rough night to match this crappy day...

Feeling More Settled

It's exhausting to think about all of the changes we've been through over the past 5 months. It has been SO MUCH WORK. We're still taking care of things related to the move, but it's starting to taper off. We've made a lot of progress, and I'm excited to be focusing more on decorating our house now. I am so thankful every day I wake up in this house. It is a wonderful first home and even though we still have some finishing touches to do, I'm proud to have people over.

Brenden starts daycare in a little over a week. We took him to his new "school" today to see how he would do in the classroom, and he was a champ. He was nervous and curled up in my lap at first, but in less than 10 minutes he was running around playing with toys. Adam and I sat at the edge of the room and he didn't seem to care if we were there or not! It will take some adjustment, but I think this is happening at the perfect time. He's getting good at feeding himself, he's walking really well, and we honestly need some help getting him to learn how to sleep on his own. I am so excited about the daycare we chose. I feel really comfortable that he will be well cared for.

We still have one big wild card - Adam's job situation (or lack of). He has had some interviews but nothing has panned out so far. The economy seems to be improving a little, but his background is in retail and many stores are only looking for part-time employees. It's hard for him because he's starting to get discouraged and he's facing a big change with going back to work after being home with Brenden so long. It's stressful but for some weird reason I don't have any doubts that it will work out somehow.

And it's hard to be stressed about anything with Brenden. He's so full of joy and enthusiasm that it's contagious. He does the funniest and most adorable things. I find myself cracking up and tearing up all the time when he does something so cute. The other night I sang him a song after his bath, and he started singing very quietly - the first time he's ever done that. He looked so shy about it, but also amazed that he could make those sounds too. I wish our computer wasn't on its last leg - I want to load some videos/pictures on this blog, but our computer would probably start smoking if I tried to load anything on it right now. Hopefully we can afford a new one soon!

Big Boy Brenden

Brenden has grown and developed so much in the past month! Every day is more fun than the last. He's walking (up to 10 steps in a row now!) and communicating a lot more. He has different noises he makes to get our attention, let us know he's annoyed, or tell us he wants us to do something. He has started taking my hand and putting it on a toy he wants me to play with him, and pointing in the direction he wants to go when we're holding him. We're basically his trained monkeys at this point.

He has also started clapping for himself when he does something. He is very proud of himself when he throws his diaper in the trash can or punches the code to close the garage door (Well, we punch in the code and he just pretends to do it with us).

He is also eating finger foods, which has been a source on anxiety for me for months. Some babies start feeding themselves at 6 months, and even at his 12 month visit his doctor warned us that he'd have to see a specialist if he didn't start feeding himself soon. Brenden must have gotten the message (he hates going to the doctor) and he's started feeding himself all sorts of things. He loves strawberries. He also loves soy milk, and we've started the weaning process.

We are getting settled in to life here in the midwest. It's "interesting" to come back after being gone so long. My main complaints about life here are mosquitos, rednecks, and HORRIBLE drivers. People think driving in a big city is bad, but from our experience that's nothing compared to these people who think red lights are optional. Apparently it's an unwritten rule that once the light turns red, three more cars can still turn left. If you try to stop when the light turns red, be prepared to be rear-ended by a pickup truck driven by a guy with a beer gut and two teeth.

Despite the inbreeding, I'm really enjoying life here. The pace is slower and I only feel like I'm running a 5K every day rather than a marathon. I like my job - low stress, nice people, short commute - and it's wonderful to come home to our nice, quiet home. I love eating dinner at the kitchen table with the afternoon sun coming in the windows. I miss a lot of things about Seattle, but I'd be a mess if we had to go back to the way we were living, in that apartment with no family around. Brenden is blossoming with his family and we've been able to get breaks to go to the movies and get things done.

We received excellent news on Friday that our apartment in Seattle was rented to new tenants, so we were finally let out of our lease. It's a long story, but we decided it was best to move when we did even though our lease didn't end until August 31. We were starting to get discouraged and thought we might have to pay the rest of the lease, so that was big news for us!

I am getting ready to take my insurance licensing exam. I've been studying every night, and I can't wait to be done with it. I haven't read a book in two months and I absolutely can't wait to have time to read in the evenings. I'm also looking forward to getting more settled in at home and working out again. I have more time than I did in Seattle, so no more excuses!

Almost Party Time!

We're excited that Brenden's first birthday party is tomorrow. We've been so busy that we haven't had time to plan much for it - we just realized tonight that we're not sure we'll have enough food and we didn't plan any activities for the kids. Oops.

It's been a wild week. We had a great time taking Brenden to the Evansville zoo for his birthday. It was SO HOT! Then I started work the next day, which is going well. The office manager is a hoot to work with and it seems like a very busy office, so I shouldn't get bored. It's tough not knowing much of anything yet. Every time a customer asks me a question I probably look like a deer in the headlights.

I also have to start studying to get my insurance license. The agent I'm working for wants me to pass the test in the next 30 days. I'm not really sure how I'm going to manage that since every second of every day is already booked up. The house is still in that "just moved in" stage and it's taking a lot of work to get the paperwork together for the mortgage company.

Chase Bank is the worst bank we've ever dealt with. We need teller-stamped bank statements for the mortgage company, and Chase refuses to mail them to us. Luckily (sort of), there's a Chase an hour away in Kentucky, so I have to make a road trip tomorrow morning before Brenden's party to pick them up. Sigh...

Wild Times

We had a very busy, overwhelming day! I go back to work in two days, so today we visited another daycare and met with our lender to start the paperwork process. We both really liked this daycare, and they actually have two openings for Brenden's age group, unlike the others we've contacted. We had a good feeling about it and I feel a lot better knowing that there are cameras in all of the rooms. I certainly hope I never feel like I need to review the footage, but I like that the teachers know someone is watching.

Meeting with the lender was totally overwhelming. I went alone (Adam hasn't found a job yet so the lender wants to put it in my name only) and I felt like I was flying blind. We've heard great things about the mortgage company and I feel confident this guy knows his stuff, but I felt so nervous with all the numbers and paperwork he threw at me. I have a bunch of documents to pull together for him and it's all very nerve-wracking. I'll be very glad when we close and this process is finished. I'm so nervous something is going to fall through. But on the bright side, we're getting a great rate for a great house.

Brenden's first birthday is tomorrow! One year ago I was sitting in a hospital bed waiting for the inducement to take effect. I remember how when the contractions started up I thought, "this is no big deal, what is the big fuss about?" Then I woke up the next morning to the real gut-wrenching contractions, and the big adventure started there. It's still hard to believe sometimes that we're parents! Our whole lives have changed so much so quickly, it's like a whirlwind.

We're looking forward to taking Brenden to the zoo tomorrow as a birthday treat. Happy Birthday to our little miracle!

Yay!

I am employed again! I accepted a position with American Family today. It's not my dream salary, but it's liveable. Adam is still looking for a job and we'll have to figure out how to coordinate childcare. In the meantime we will start the process to close on our house next week. It's been very stressful, but at least one of the variables (my job situation) has been decided.

I start next Thursday, so we have a busy time ahead of us. We will be busy with family get-togethers this weekend, we're meeting with the lender on Tuesday, and Brenden's first birthday is Wednesday! We're taking him to the zoo, which will be exciting.

I'll have to go through the back-to-work transition again after being home with Brenden. I keep reminding myself that I spent more quality time with him while I was working because I was so focused on him when I was home.

In Limbo

Good news - American Family is going to make me an offer tomorrow! Not so good news - the pay here stinks! The pay range for the position was less than what I requested on my application, so the agent is going to crunch some numbers and said she'd be back with me tomorrow.

The pay range is exactly half what I used to make (not counting my awesome bonuses), and they offer NO benefits. I feel a little remorse for leaving my job. But I regret it a lot less when I see Brenden having fun with our families and enjoying our house. Now we just have to pray we can afford it!

We are walking a financial tightrope right now. Closing on this house will pretty much wipe out the savings we worked SO HARD to build up. We scrimped and saved from a year before Brenden was born so that Adam could stay home with him. Our savings stayed intact because I received a great raise a few months before he was born. I have to tell myself it was meant to be that we would use that money to buy our first home.

My Baby is Almost 1!

I can't believe it - I filled out invitations for Brenden's first birthday party last night! It just hit me that we've almost made it through his first year already. I don't really feel sad at the time past because being a mom has been easier and more fun as time passes. I will always treasure memories of Brenden as a newborn, but I think the toddler stage is going to be more enjoyable for all of us.

This first year has been the most wonderful and grueling year of my life. From the awe of Brenden's birth to the difficult recovery... from the joy of seeing his smile and hearing his laugh for the first time to the excrutiating sleepless nights.

I think the hardest thing about being a mom right now is having so little time for myself. I feel bad about it, but I miss all the time I used to have to sleep and read. Most times I think I might have some time to myself, I end up cleaning or running errands instead. I see other moms who seem to take it all in stride and it makes me feel selfish for craving time to myself. But I know they probably wouldn't object if we were all given an extra hour every day where the rest of the world paused and we weren't allowed to do anything but relax.

But speaking of time to myself, I AM actually taking time for myself today to go to the bookstore by myself. I'm going to get a soy decaf coffee drink (in deference to Brenden's sensitivity to caffeine and dairy, two of my loves) and spend some time reading and preparing for my interview. That's right, I have an interview tomorrow with American Family Insurance! It's for an office support position and it sounds like a great opportunity. I called the agent on Thursday to follow up on my resume, and I ended up talking myself into an interview! My initial impression of the agent and the job is very good, so I hope it works out. And my commute would be 10 minutes, which is unbelievable after commuting up to an hour in Seattle.

I am looking forward to working again, but I need to work on weaning Brenden. He is doing pretty well with a sippy cup and he seems to like the taste of soy milk. We need to make sure he doesn't have an allergy to it like he does with dairy. I will probably still nurse him at night for a while. I am so grateful to have been able to nurse Brenden, but I'm looking forward to not having to worry about timing feedings.

We are also looking at some daycares for Brenden next week. We don't know if we'll actually need one, but we want to take the time to check them out in advance. It all depends on what my salary ends up being and how much Adam needs to work. I actually prefer to take Brenden to daycare at least part time. He loves playing with other kids and I think it would be good for him. Ideally Adam would work part-time, mostly during the day, and we would find a great daycare for Brenden while Adam is at work. We'll see how this all works out!

Settling In

Life has been pretty busy this past week with unpacking, shopping for furniture, job hunting, and trying to get our house set up. I'm nervous about actually owning/maintaining a home. There are so many things to think about that we never worried about while renting. But it's also exciting to know we'll be here for a while and we can make improvements as we have time/money.

Brenden is doing pretty well. I think some of his fussiness has been him just asking for attention. We've been so busy...you'd think with both of us not working it would be easy, but it's like conducting an orchestra trying to get settled in while taking care of the daily things. While I was working I spent every minute I was home and Brenden was awake playing with him. I'm sure he wonders why I'm suddenly doing other things instead of paying attention to him. I think I've actually spent less quality time with him even though we're together every day. I'm going to make time tomorrow to take him out to do something fun. He loves the kids room at the library. They have a big pirate ship thing kids can climb and lots of things he can crawl around and explore.

Adam and I had our first date night last night in 4 months! It was really nice to go out to dinner and focus on each other instead of juggling Brenden's gear and entertaining him. It reminded me of the old days! But still, I was excited to see him when we picked him up from his Aunt Allison's. Luckily he had a great time with her and didn't seem to miss us much!

This past week hasn't been too promising job search-wise. My interview on Thursday was more of a preliminary thing and I don't know yet if that will lead to anything. I sent in some resumes, and I also called to follow up on some resumes I submitted. The HR manager at my last job recommended I do that. It's probably a good idea, since the places I called said they were still sorting through tons of resumes. I have a feeling this next week is going to be more promising. We'll see!

We Made It!

Whew! The past two weeks have been exhausting! All in all our move went very well. There were no major hang-ups and our furniture and car arrived in one piece. The most difficult part has been Brenden's adjustment. He caught my cold and all three of us had some sleepness nights right before the move. Then he had a really hard time on the flight. He was very anxious from the chaos of seeing his home packed up, spending the night in a hotel, then being forced to sit still for 4 hours straight. He literally climbed the walls of the plane and whined/cried for 2 hours before he finally passed out.

Brenden is alternating between anxiety and elation at our new home. It's a tough adjustment - his routine has been totally blown out of the water and we didn't have very much social interaction in Seattle. Suddenly we're in this new house and we're always on the go, out visiting with family. Brenden absolutely loves everyone and he loves their pets even more. It is so funny to see him showing off to get the family laughing, and so sweet to see him showered with hugs and kisses. The other night when we were leaving our nephew's baseball game, I looked down and saw five different hands patting Brenden's back and everyone was leaning in to give him kisses.

The adjustment part is tough going though, especially today. Our furniture FINALLY arrived, and it was chaotic with all the boxes arriving and getting cable hooked up. Brenden's nap schedule was totally off and he spent a good part of the day screaming in frustration. He went from gasping with joy at the sight of his toybox to screaming and smacking at me for not letting him "help" the cable guy. Brenden is usually so mild mannered, so Adam and I are feeling a bit worn down at the moment. We are looking forward to our first date night in five months, which will hopefully happen this weekend.

I am feeling great about our decision to move back here. Sure, there are things we'll have to re-adjust to, like seeing hillbillies flying confederate flags out the back of their truck windows. And I miss Seattle quite a bit. Last night there was a scene on TV set outside on a drizzly day, and I felt this pang I didn't expect, since I didn't even like the non-stop drizzle in Seattle. But I love being this close to our families and we also love our new house. It is an amazing house for us just starting out. I already have a mental list of things I'd like to do down the line, but the house is in great shape and there's nothing we actually have to do to it right now. The house gets lots of light and Brenden loves to look out the windows and spend time outside. We also have great neighbors. The people on either side of us and across the street have all taken the time to welcome us to the neighborhood.

Now that we finally have internet service I need to step up my job search. Besides the one interview I have this Thursday, I haven't had any additional responses to my resume. It makes me nervous because I've had a lot more activity in my previous job searches, but I have no doubt that it will all work out. It always does!

Last Day at Work

I am officially unemployed! My last day at work was very nice, except that I've come down with a yucky cold. I felt bad breathing on the new guy while training him today, but when I told him as much, he said it was worth it to have a little more training before I go. Now that's dedication!

It was a hard race all the way to the finish, trying to train him and wrap things up. I am so relieved to be done and to have wrapped things up nicely the way I wanted. I worked so hard at that job. I received a lot of nice emails and phone calls from co-workers and clients today, which made me feel great, despite the fact that I had to breath through my mouth like a panting dog.

My cold inspirated a little variation on a recurring fantasy of mine. Here's a big confession - since Brenden was born I have fantasized about renting a hotel room for a night by myself, where I can pull the blackout shades, read a chapter of a good book uninterrupted, then pass out for at least 12 hours. Today's variation was that I would trade the book for a bottle of Nyquil and a quart of hot and sour soup.

Time to head to bed. Adam has agreed to get up with Brenden as much as possible tonight, so I have a shot at a good night's sleep. I hope so, because we have a LOT of work to do before the movers show up on Tuesday.

Can You Believe This Guy??

Getting all handsomed up for his picture with the Easter Bunny. Yes, I teared up when I saw how much he looks like a little man.

Helping Mommy and Daddy with packing

We are moving one week from today so life is hectic, obviously. Work has been a total madhouse. I was determined to hire and train my replacement before I leave, and it looks like I'm going to succeed. But not without some grey hairs, that's for sure. The new guy is going to be great. It's going to be really weird to suddenly no longer be involved on the projects I've worked on for 2 years, but I'm glad to know that they will be in good hands.

I am thrilled to report that I have my first interview scheduled for the middle of May (thanks Kendra!). It sounds like a great company that might have some good opportunities.

On a completely different subject, I have started to wonder why no one has nominated me for What Not to Wear. I watched many episodes of the show late at night when Brenden was a newborn, and I am a prime candidate. I'm always half-waiting for Stacey and Clinton to pop their heads over my cubicle wall and surprise me with the $5,000 gift card. (If you haven't seen the show, they give people with horrible fashion sense $5,000 to spend on a new wardrobe, but the people have to endure a lot of ridicule on their current clothing.)

I am perfectly willing to endure their comments. I can already tell you what they'd say:

1. "Motherhood Maternity? You haven't been pregnant for 10 months!"

2. "You can fit two of you in this blouse!"

3. "If you have to hike your pants up with a rope like Huck Finn, they don't fit."

4. "I can't even look at those shoes. My grandma wouldn't wear those."

I have two major wardrobe malfunctions: my clothes are 4 sizes too big (bought when I returned to work after maternity leave, 20 lbs ago) and I am too cheap. An engineer at work actually commented on how "saggy" my pants are. I am too busy to shop for new clothes, but I managed to find a few minutes two months ago to have the waist taken in on several pairs of pants. Problem is, the rest of the pants still billow out around me, and I've lost more weight so I still have to hike them up with a belt. I know, poor me, but honestly, I was in better shape before my pregnancy, even with the extra 10 pounds. And my stomach didn't look like a deflated balloon.

Hopefully I find a new job before our savings runs too thin, so I can celebrate with a shopping trip for new clothes.

For now, it's back to the packing and general madness. I can't wait to post pictures of Brenden playing in his new house with his family.

On the Road Again...

For anyone who doesn't already know...we're moving back to Evansville! It's been on our minds for a while, and we're finally taking the plunge at the end of this month. We're sorry to leave Seattle behind but we decided it's best for Brenden to be close to his family.

Things we'll miss about Seattle:
1. my job - it's not easy to give up a job I enjoy with good pay and growth potential, especially in this economy
2. my "moms club"
3. the scenery
4. the culture and all of the things to do
5. reading on the bus during my commute to work

Things we're looking forward to in Evansville:
1. seeing our families
2. getting a night out alone once in a while!
3. buying a cute, quiet home (for $400/month less than this crowded, loud apartment!)
4. thunderstorms! It drizzles ALL WINTER in Seattle, but we've heard maybe 3 thunderclaps the whole time we've been here.
5. no more running to catch the bus

The move planning has been very stressful. We made the final decision to move a couple of weeks ago, so we haven't had much time. We've had trouble finding a mover. We were just about to book with Allied when the agent tried to pull one over on us. But we're almost set with Mayflower and I feel pretty comfortable with them. We still need to book an auto transporter for our car, and there are several more details to work out.

My job has also been very demanding lately. I picked up another project that requires me to be out of the office half a day each week, and it's amazing how far behind that puts me. I'm also working with the HR manager to recruit and train my replacement. It's really important to me to make it a smooth transition. Sure, it won't be my problem in two weeks, but I've worked so hard on those projects that I don't want things to fall through the cracks. My co-workers have been really nice and understanding about me leaving. I was worried they might be upset with me for leaving, but they are all excited for us and our family. Several people have offered to give me a good reference, and I'm sure I'll need it in this economy!

More than anything I'm anxious about my job search. I found jobs right away when we moved to Orlando and Seattle, but the job market was so much better then. I'm trying to stay positive. Our HR manager at work gave me some great tips for my search. Rather than just applying to postings, I'm going to research companies in the area and focus on networking. It's been really hard to find time for this while planning the move and working my current job, but I'll do what I can here and ratchet it up when we get to Evansville.

Now for the most fun subject - Brenden! He is wild! He has developed so much in the past 3 weeks. He's gone from rolling around on the floor to crawling, climbing, and getting into everything. He can now brush his teeth (amazing!) and feed himself. (Only purees though, he still gags if we try to give him finger foods) He might need to go to daycare when we move, and as hard as that will be for all of us, it might be good for us too. Brenden gets a little stir crazy in the apartment, and it would be great for him to have other kids to play with and get comfortable being away from us before he starts school. It would be good for Adam to get out too, because being an at-home parent is way harder than we expected. And good for me because it's hard carrying the full financial load, and as soon as I get home Adam is so desperate for a break that weekdays are non-stop from the second I wake up to the second I go to bed.

Baby Hamster Ball

Two Cool Dudes enjoying our picnic

Relaxing by the water

BUSTED!

I'm in the market for a baby hamster ball. Why hasn't someone invented one? You mean to tell me millions of parents have been through this crawling stage and no one has thought of it?? Brenden started inching along two weeks ago and now he's blazing along and into EVERYTHING. He has no interest in toys anymore. There's no need to go to Toys R Us - he's thrilled to chew on a lamp cord or rip up piles of paper. He loves to follow me around the kitchen and pull on my pant legs, and if I open the fridge he tries to crawl in there and gets mad when I pull him out.

We're definitely still adjusting to his newly-discovered mobility, but Brenden is more fun than ever. I can't fold laundry without Brenden unfolding half of it during the process, but it's still easier than having to hold him 24/7.

He has also started saying "mama" and "dada." I know he doesn't know what he's saying, but I love it when he says mama.

In addition to adjusting to our new routine with Brenden, my work has been really demanding the last couple of weeks. I've been working extra hours to keep up. Not a lot of hours, but even a half hour extra after Brenden goes to bed puts me behind on the stuff I need to do at home. It's exhausting.

As you can see from the pictures above, we went on a nice picnic on Saturday. It was wonderful to sit by the water and enjoy the peace and quiet. Brenden was pretty mellow and had fun watching some older kids play and watching the waves when we went closer to the water.

Here's a cute video of Brenden crawling.

Emerald City Comicon

Adam and Max dorkin' it up at the Comicon

We went to the Emerald City Comicon today, and it was crazy! On one hand it was neat to see so many people all dressed up and having fun, but it was way overcrowded and hectic. Adam didn't get to do most of the things he was looking forward to because the lines were too long. It was hard to walk through the convention hall and several times I was nervous that Brenden was going to get knocked into. He did great in his new Ergo carrier. It was a splurge but it's way more comfortable for both of us.

Brenden was so good and patient today. He was so calm and laid-back the whole time, and when we had lunch he sat on his blanket and ate and played quietly until we were all finished. He started to fuss when he got tired, but as soon as we walked out of the convention hall he konked out in his carrier.

He is still a very big boy! We had his 9-month check up yesterday, and he's 36 inches tall (97% percentile) and 22 lbs, 10 oz (75% percentile). He's thinned out a lot now that he's crawling and always on the move. His doctor says his development is right on track. I was concerned because he's not eating finger foods and he gags if we try to give him the chunkier baby food, but the doctor said to let him take his time and not worry about it.

I really like our pediatrician. I get worried about the littlest things, and she's always reassuring. It's nice that I have friends with babies the same age, but sometimes that makes it a little harder because I can't help but compare. I wouldn't change a thing about Brenden, but I worry that we're doing something wrong if he's not able to do something another baby is. Tami's daughter Paityn is only 5 days older but much further along developmentally. I never thought I'd be a pushy parent but I realize I fall into that trap sometimes.

Catching Up

It's been over 3 weeks since my last blog. I've been busy as usual, but actually not as busy. Work is calmer and my home to-do list is much more manageable. (maybe because I spend less time blogging?)

We've had a fun few weeks. We took Brenden on his first trip to the zoo. Here's a picture of us there:Just kidding, obviously. But that is a picture I took while we were there, believe it or not. The gorilla closest to the glass is the patriarch of the group. He spent the whole time picking his nose.

Brenden's favorite animal was the owl. A zookeeper was giving a talk about the owl, and when we took Brenden up to watch, he starting making hooting sounds at the owl. Such a smart boy :)

We were all exhausted from our big day at the zoo. Brenden passed out when we got home, and he slept so long I actually had to wake him up. He didn't even stir when I took this photo:

He has been sleeping much better for the past month. Now that he can roll over easily, he loves to sleep on his tummy with his arms and legs pulled under him.

The next weekend was Valentine's Day/President's Day weekend, and it also marked the 12th anniversary of Adam's and my first date. I made a very dry cake to celebrate:

True to form, Brenden couldn't resist getting into it. He gets into EVERYTHING now. The other day he was sitting on Adam's lap while Adam checked his email. Adam had just received an email from someone he sold some blu-ray movies to on ebay, and the person was concerned because he hadn't received the movies in the mail yet. I told Adam not to worry because we had the shipping confirmation and insurance slip from the post office, and then Adam looked over and realized the slip was in Brenden's hand, dissolving in slobber. Thank goodness the movies eventually turned up!

One last photo of Brenden being silly...

Sittin' Up Man!

Brenden started sitting up on his own just in time for our playdate on Saturday. Tami and I went to Aparna's for a traditional Nepalese lunch (for the moms) and playtime for the babies. It was so cute watching the babies play together. The food was delicious, and Aparna's family is so sweet. Her parents moved from Nepal to move in with her and her husband when Ava was born. It's the tradition in their culture for the grandparents to move in to help with the baby. I was surprised that Aparna was excited about it back when we were both pregnant, but it doesn't sound so bad to me anymore, now that I know how difficult it is to raise a baby with no family around. The only complaint Aparna has is that her mom cooks so much delicious food it was hard for her to lose the baby weight.

This has been one of those week when living in Seattle loses its luster. This is a very cool city, but there are some downsides too. Like sloshing through the never-ending drizzle when you just want to have a nice family day out. Or seeing a homeless man take a leak on an office building. (Not my most pleasant walk from the bus stop to the office.)

We might be in for a rough night tonight. Our upstairs neighbor has friends over again, and they are so loud. We used to imagine the guy was a big beer-guzzling type, but Adam went up there to ask him to keep it down one night, and discovered it's a little Asian kid in his late teens. They love to play Wi until 5 am, and it doesn't sound like they're doing it sober. Brenden has already woken up once tonight, and it's only 8:30. It could be teething too. He has four teeth already and a couple more on the way. They have been popping out non-stop. I guess I'd rather get them all out now rather than drag out the process.

Time to stretch out with a book before Brenden wakes up again.

Just had to share this video. Brenden's latest craze is watching me put a toy in my mouth and growl like a dog. I'm detecting a trend here - anything that makes me look like an idiot is a hit.

I also snapped my favorite picture ever of Brenden. He is such a ham:

Sometimes he enjoys eating solids, and some days he's not interested. So far his favorites are peas, oatmeal, and bananas. We stocked up on jars of baby veggies, but Brenden hates the jarred fruit because they add absorbic acid to keep it from turning brown. So we bought a little hand grinder at Babies R Us, and it works great.

I'm becoming a poster child for adult ADD. I'm always thinking about 8 things at once, and I'm getting really forgetful. It's hard for me to connect the dots mentally. I keep to-do lists, but just trying to remember to write things down is a challenge. I'm always thinking, "Oh yeah, I need to email so and so, pick up such and such at the grocery store, etc etc." It makes me crazy sometimes.

And to add to the list of things swirling around in my head, for the first time since Brenden was born I've started paying attention to politics and social issues again. Over the weekend we watched Battle in Seattle. It was really interesting to see footage of the rioting that took place right outside my office. Here's a quick synopsis - back in 1999, the WTO (World Trade Organization) held its first major conference in Seattle. Bad idea. The WTO exploits a good part of the world, especially the poorest parts of it, no matter what the cost to the environment or people's quality of life. Seattleites love protesting and demonstrations (at least once a week there's a group of people getting riled up outside our office), so they went all out to shut the WTO's conference down.

I also started reading Howard Zinn's A People's History of American Empire. The US is responsible for some really horrible things in the past, and in the present. In school we read about the Native Americans being all but wiped out and the dropping of the atomic bombs in WWII, but I didn't really see the connection between those events and things going on today. Zinn starts back in the 1800's, detailing how the US has taken over multiple countries and repressed many groups of people, all for power and ultimately, for money. What really gets me going is that we're given so many excuses for invading other countries, and led to believe that we're doing it either to protect the people of that country, or ourselves. The common theme is that big business sees dollar signs on the map and thinks they're entitled to a piece of it. The war in Iraq is just another example. Please don't think I'm out there ripping "support our troops" bumper stickers off people's cars. I don't doubt the soldiers' bravery and I don't make light of their sacrifices, and the sacrifices of their families.

As long as I'm revealing my liberal leanings, I might as well mention how dumbfounded I am that we continue to discriminate against gays and lesbians. Why isn't the ban on gay marriage recongnized as discrimination, or the ban on gay couples adopting children in some states? Gay couples can legally adopt in Washington, and one of the principals at our firm and his partner have adopted three children. All three children have the same mother but different fathers. They adopted the first boy, then when the mother got pregnant twice more they decided to adopt those babies too. Their youngest is the same age as Brenden, so we get to compare notes. I've never met the children's birth mother, but it sounds like the children have a much more stable homelife with their adoptive fathers. I know some people are uncomfortable with the idea of homosexuality, but even if it's not your cup of tea, aren't there a lot more important battles to fight than keeping people from establishing a secure family life?

What a Week

I just wrote a long, whiney blog and decided to delete it all. We had a really crazy week, but it was just a bunch of small annoyances. It doesn't seem right to complain about not getting a raise (salary freeze due to the economy) or Brenden's constipation (it was a 5-day stand-off) when you read about all the suffering in Haiti. I read an article on cnn.com this morning about how people are wandering around at night with nowhere to sleep, no food or water, and stumbling over dead bodies because it's so dark at night with no lights. I can't imagine what it would feel like to be a mother there worrying about your kids having no water or catching a disease, or worse.

So I'll write about all the good things this week. On Saturday we took a stroll through downtown Edmonds, the little community where we used to live. I miss that area. It's so quaint with an awesome view of the water. We had coffee at a little coffee shop, looked around the local bookstore and toy store, and just enjoyed the dry day.

Brenden was his usual cute, fun self despite his discomfort from the constipation. One of the highlights of the week was when I took Brenden in the bathroom for his bath one night. I usually stop in front of the mirror so he can smile at himself while I tell him what a "handsome nakie baby" he is. That night we did our normal routine but he started laughing his head off when he realized he could see himself in the big mirror AND the medicine cabinet mirror on the side. We played a game where he would look in one mirror, and I would look all around the room like I couldn't find him. Then I would finally meet his eyes in the mirror and he would scream with excitement. So cute!

I tried out a new book club last night. It wasn't anything like the Orlando Book Club, which I loved. I met some really good friends through that book club, and every meeting was a blast. I think I'll go to this new book club again - I enjoyed it, but I don't think it will ever be quite as fun.

Now to spend some time relaxing! Tomorrow Adam is going to a movie and Brenden and I are going to chill out at home. This week was so busy that I didn't get to spend much time with Brenden, so I'm looking forward to lots of playtime.

Happy New Year!

First Family Christmas Photo

Brenden sporting a new outfit (12 month size!)

Hanging out with Uncle Alex and Aunt Katie (I can't believe they're both in college now!)

Brenden looking like a real Hoosier in his hunting cap

It's been a while since I posted a blog because it's been a very busy month! We spent a week and a half in Indiana visiting family. It was great to see everyone and Brenden had a blast. It was exhausting at times, like when Brenden got his first cold and was up half the night, but Brenden adapted very well to the big change in routine. He even did great on the flights there and back. We had flight delays both ways, but he was a trooper.

Brenden is 7 months old now and so much fun. I feel like we've made it through the hardest part and now we get to just have fun. He loves to wrestle and act silly, so it feels less like work now. Brenden's favorite thing at the moment is when I pretend I'm throwing up. Gross, I know, but he thinks it's hysterical. The more theatrical the fake heaving and sound effects, the louder he laughs and squeals.

Brenden is also on a trend towards sleeping better. This week there were a few nights he only woke up once!

Besides being great to see our family, getting away from the daily grind was really good for me. I was so caught up in trying to keep up that I didn't realize I was pushing myself too hard. I was trying to do too much and set my standards too high. Getting away helped me to think about where I want to invest my time and energy and what I can let go. I definitely need more "me" time. Of course I still have a full-time job and it's not like Brenden is going to learn to change his own diapers anytime soon. So I am carving out little bits of time for myself, like taking 5 minutes to have coffee and read a news article when I get to work. Brenden usually goes to bed at 7, so I'm trying to do stuff around the house from 7-8, then read or watch tv from 8-9. My rule is that unless it absolutely has to be done that night, I have to drop everything at 8. Otherwise I would end up in the same spot I was, working non-stop every second of the day.

My other New Years resolution is to eat healthier. Brenden's pediatrician talked to us about the importance of eating organic, minimally processed foods, so I want to start now so it will be a habit once Brenden is eating what we're eating. It's pretty gross when you start reading ingredient lists and realize how little real food we're eating. I've had a little set-back though. After work I stopped at the grocery store and bought a bunch of fresh fruit to make a fruit salad. I found this recipe on foodnetwork.com and decided to splurge on lots of organic fruit, most of it out-of-season. So after Brenden went to bed I peeled and chopped away for 20 minutes. Then he woke back up (probably because he fell asleep too fast the first time and didn't nurse well), so I had to nurse and rock him again. Back to the peeling and chooping for another few minutes, and then I mixed the vanilla yogurt sauce. I mixed it exactly as the recipe was written, even though mayo and salt seemed like odd choices. I naively figured those Food Network guys knew what they were doing, so even though it tasted really weird, I dumped the sauce all over the fruit. I figured the fruit and sauce combination would somehow magically work out. WRONG. I can still taste it and I might just throw up for real this time. I was almost in tears when Adam tasted it and had to run to the trash can to spit it out. Time and money are really short right now, and that fruit salad was a huge waste of both.

Speaking of money, I have my performance review next Thursday. Our company is feeling the effects of the bad economy more this year, and I've heard raises and bonuses are minimal. But hey, I'm still employed, and we're lucky the company is even considering raises and bonuses.